Six Months In: What We’ve Learned Since Adding a Consultant
Six months of officially waiting to adopt, and this past month has been our most stretching, emotional, eye-opening month so far. Around month five, we made the decision to add on an adoption consultant while still staying active with our agency. It felt like a natural next step for our family, and it has changed our experience in some pretty big ways.
I wanted to share what this season has looked like, what we’ve learned, and what we wish we had known when we were brand new to this whole world. If you’re walking through adoption or considering it, maybe this will help shine a little light on both paths.
Agency Only vs Consultant + Agency: What’s Actually Different
When we were agency only, everything moved quietly in the background. Covenant Care knows our preferences. They know our hearts. They decide when to present our profile and typically do not let families know they’ve been matched until very late in pregnancy or even after birth. There are a lot of protections built into that approach, both emotionally and financially, for adoptive families and for expectant/birth moms. It removes the roller coaster of being told “you weren’t chosen” multiple times, and it helps shield everyone from situations that could shift or change.
Working with a consultant is very different. Consultants partner with multiple agencies and attorneys nationwide, and the families decide when they want to present. That means you’re seeing cases weekly, sometimes daily, and you get to choose which situations fit your family’s prayerful boundaries and abilities. It’s empowering in some ways because there is movement. You feel connected to what’s happening. You have actual profiles to read and real families to pray over.
But it can also be heavy. You see the realities of the world, the brokenness surrounding so many of these situations, and the weight that expectant and birth moms carry. You feel the heartbreak on both sides.
And you experience the part no one really talks about: the emotional whiplash of presenting and hearing no.
How Presenting Works
When a consultant sends out a case, families review it and decide if they want to “present.” Presenting simply means your profile book is included in the selection group the expectant mom will review. Once the consultant knows you want to present, they send your materials to the agency or attorney, and from there the profiles are shown to the mom. She chooses the family she feels is the best fit, and we genuinely believe she should have complete freedom to do that.
Some agencies update families quickly, sometimes within 24 hours. Others share updates weekly. Some only notify if you are chosen. It’s a good question to ask, because every group runs things differently.
In our experience so far, we’ve learned that:
Baby-born cases move very fast.
Earlier-in-pregnancy cases take longer.
Sometimes you hear back within a day.
Sometimes it’s a week or two.
And sometimes you only find out in a weekly update that the mom chose another family, decided to parent, or is still reviewing.
Our First Month With a Consultant
Baby-born situations especially take a toll on your heart. You know going in that you may get a call in 24 hours telling you to come meet your baby, and you also know it might end with a no. It is a strange mix of hope, surrender, and trusting that the right family will be chosen every time.
Even with the emotional ups and downs, we are still grateful for the movement. Seeing cases each week reminds us that God is working. It also gives us space to pray over so many moms and babies we never would have known about otherwise.
How We’re Processing Month Six
This past month has easily been our most emotional. Seeing cases and presenting makes everything feel closer and more real. It’s no longer an abstract “someday.” It’s names, lives, and little ones who need families.
And yet, our hope for matching with our agency remains strong. We adore Covenant Care and the way they care for expectant moms. Their model reflects so much wisdom and gentleness. If our match happens through them, we will be grateful. If it happens through our consultant, we will be grateful for that too. We just want to be where God leads.
As we head into month seven, we are continuing to see cases weekly, continuing to wait, and continuing to trust the timing. Our hearts are hopeful. Our hands are open. And our prayers are steady.
We also plan to share a separate post with the questions we recommend asking when interviewing agencies or consultants. If it helps even one family feel more prepared, it will be worth it.
For now, we are still waiting, still trusting, and still incredibly thankful for every prayer lifted for our family. We feel them. Truly.